How to defy gravity, step by step

It was a dull spring Wednesday morning in London and I had completed my commute to work via train and exited the station. The 5 minute walk to my office is usually pleasant. The sun tearing through the valley of tall buildings along usually accompanied by a sudden gust of wind as I made my way to the clock tower traffic island.

As it was approximately 8:40am this particular morning, it wasn't the early start I anticipated. My office held approximately 1,500 people spread across 12 floors. As there are only 4 lifts, its quite often over subscribed. Therefore I always opt for the stairs as I worked on the 3rd floor. I began to quickly climbing up  each individual step to get an adrenaline rush to start my morning. Approaching the second floor, I clipped my foot mid-set which had diving to the ground. I landed on my hand and chest with the contents of my bag spilt. Just then to my luck the door to the second floor swung open where a woman, coffee in hand, stepped out to see me lying flat. Imagining her facial expression, I wasn't able to look at her face or begin to explain how I fell up the stairs. I gathered up of what left of my shame and dusted myself off. I scooped up my belongings and walking the last set of stairs to the third floor.

When I arrived at my desk a neighbouring colleague asked me as to why I looked dismayed. "Heavy night last night," I lied. If only he knew the truth.

In future walk, but don't run.

K

A toilet/bathroom no-no

Why are people convinced they they are more photogenic in bathrooms/toilets? I've seen numerous profile pics where people have taken pictures of themselves using the mirror. Sometimes, they may have "forgotten" to clean up.

I think that a profile pic is a statement about ones life. Usually, if the person is pictured:

• In their bedroom ---> The homely kind
• At work/School ---> Career focused
• Mouth wide open ---> Aspiring food critics
• With their tongue stuck out ---> The sort who have spent a weekend at Netherland Ranch

Toilet offenders please, less phone and more face.

K

When sharing goes too far

One summer night, a friend and I were to meet up. I returned his missed call as I finished showering expecting to hear him asking me to hurry up. He asked me if I had a jacket or a jumper to "borrow" for the night. I mentioned that I wasn't his wardrobe and that he should just put on his black jacket that he usually wears. I hung up and tended to myself. Minutes later he called again and insisted that he needed a jumper or jacket as he was en-route to the rendezvous and that he was too far to make his way back home. In search of peace whilst drying myself, I agreed and hung up.

When we all had met up he asked me if I brought over my jumper/jacket that he asked for. I made it clear to him that I never let others wear my clothes. I also explained that he should have either called someone else when I initially hung up or instead made a purchase whilst on his way. 

I find it very strange how people are very comfortable when their articles or clothing are worn by others. I'm not a qualified dermatologist or a respected microbiologist but what I can tell you that it is disgusting. Did you know that if you frequently practise in this forsaken art, you reduce 12 mins off your natural lifespan for shirts and 36 mins for trousers. I haven't researched underwear yet and don't much wish to either.

When I shop it's very often for my size, style and paid by me. There has been moments when people have asked to "borrow" my formal shirts, shoes, coats and trousers too. 

Hot, cold, dry or wet..... I don't care.

Belts are included to.

K

No such thing as... Friends

We have all watched an episode of Friends before. Some of us are huge fans and own the complete collection on dvd. I can openly admit that I have never once smiled or laughed during an episode. I often find their jokes very silly. The acting is poor and the scripting is pathetic and very predictable. The punch lines are always presented in dramatic fashion too.

Why is it that no one else sits on the sofa at the coffee shop apart from themselves? Have you even tried to find an empty armchair in your local Starbucks?

I just don't like Friends.

K